We went to the pool today with my brother and my niece and nephew. They recently moved back to Houston and it is so nice to be able to get all the kids together. My brother and I grew up around all of our cousins playing at the ranch and there were tons of us (21 at last count). But my kids just have 2 cousins. Jeff's brothers didn't have any children and my brother just has the 2. I want them to have the relationship that we had with our cousins - that strong familial bond tinged with mischievous moments.
I just makes me happy to see them together. Reinforcing that bond of Family and having other children in their lives with all the positives of siblings without any of the daily hassle is important. I wish we could get together more often but due to strained family relations that isn't always possible.I always find it so interesting watching other families fight. They fight, they say exactly what they think, and then everybody gets over it. Or the family members that work together - they adamantly disagree and then just shrug it off. I do not live in one of those families - any statement that could even be construed as derogatory causes an immediate pullback to battle trenches and a dig in for either incoming or outgoing artillery. And I think I finally figured out the problem. Lets use the following completely fake scenario (in our family at least) to illustrate:
When another family says "Hey bro I think you are being a little crazy overprotective worrying about your kid smelling like outside if she walks onto the driveway after her bath. Have you considered professions help? (said in a joking voice) Normal Family Response: "shut up man!" Normal Family Rebuttal "Whatever Nervous Nellie - have you changed your tampon today?" Situation over
Same Fake scenario played out in our family: "Why is it such a big deal if the kids come outside to the driveway after their bath?" Crazy family response: (obviously personally offended that methods are questioned) 10 to 15 minute explanation of why it is absolutely necessary to do it their way with a not so subtle dismissive attitude about the obviously wrong way that you choose to do things. Crazy Family Rebuttal - NONE strained silence after monologue followed by a quick change of subject to avoid yet another family argument that results in someone leaving mad and months of invisibility.
This happens reciprocally with different family members (including myself) playing different parts depending on the day so it is not like there is one person guilty - for some reason it is just our way. And that doesn't even cover the humongous elephants in the room that we manage to sidestep or maneuver around. Pretending that I don't even have a sister in law has become the standard operating procedure - which is fine with me but it is just odd. Do other families do this - just pretend someone doesn't exist to avoid overt family tension?
*rambling* Back to topic. The nice thing about today was that for the first time I told my nephew how much I loved him and he leaned into me and rested his cheek on my cheek and said "I love you too" And that is why I keep dodging elephants and tense silences and pretense - because I do love my brother and I do love my niece and nephew and I love watching them grow and mature and bloom the same way I enjoy watching my own children.
And hope springs eternal that one day things will be different - uncomplicated, normal family stuff without the elephants in the room.
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2 comments:
Yeah, I'm right there with you. I've got two brothers. One has a long history of issues but has truly turned a corner and has become a great brother again and a good Dad and husband too.
The other ...well...haven't spoken to him since a huge blow-up last summer, not looking forward to ever seeing him again...and sadly, sometimes I truly believe that my family is better off without him. His wife is someone I really do like and his girls are darling, but unfortunately the strain in our relationship makes it difficult to truly maintain much contact with them.
So don't feel "alone," most families have that one difficult person that stirs up the big ol pot of drama and makes life difficult. In my case I know my brother is unhappy and when he sees my happy little life he gets so jealous he can't see straight and I swear the devil just takes over his mouth...it's sad.
There is no such thing as 'a normal family' and the only elephant in our family room is no longer allowed. Saturday was a blast and the kids were so happy to be with each other - that is all that matters. Everything else will take care of itself...or not.
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