Judgement of Mothers

I have been watching the Jon and Kate Gosselin drama unfold for the last couple of weeks. I never really watched the show - I have always thought that parents that showcase their children on a reality show have a screw loose but to each his own. For the most part, I think people have been too hard on this family - if I had 8 kids under 8 I would probably come off like a psychotic bitch too. I have three and some mornings my kids are just not cooperating with the master schedule and I get a little twitchy.

Unfortunately mothers judging mothers has become an epidemic. Instead of being a sorority of women pulling for each other, supporting each other, offering advice and a shoulder to cry on - motherhood has become a competition. Why - is there some award ceremony when our kids grow up that I don't know about. Will it be like the end of year assembly when some administrator catalogues my sleepless nights, craft projects, budget juggling, and PTA meetings all in the name of motherhood? One of the drawbacks of the suburban wasteland is that other mothers treat life as a zero sum game - if my kid does well then it takes something away from little Johnny and vice versa.

Life is not a zero sum game, there is no award ceremony at the end of parenting and for that matter there is no end to parenting. We all make mistakes as parents yet most of us have at one time or another have looked at another mother and thought with derision, "I would NEVER do that". But the sad fact is we have and we will again - we just don't want to admit it. Being a good mother is important to me but the expectation of perfection is a lot of pressure.

I am a damn good mother but I am not perfect. I get mad and fuss at my kids, I overreact sometimes, I have given then popcorn and ice cream for dinner more than once when daddy isn't home, some days I count the minutes until bedtime, and I think average performance is just fine whether it be grades, sports, or housekeeping. I let them listen to music that is cringeworthy and I drop f-bombs like they are going out of style. My husband and I have had arguments within earshot of our kids that set your hair on fire. We are not on the Brady Bunch or Ozzie and Harriett. We are real people living real lives - we love our children to distraction, we kiss boo boos, we dry tears, we listen when something goes wrong at school or with a friend, we champion their causes and advocate for their needs when necessary, we are grateful for every breath they take. And none of that will be diminished if we don't get the parenting trophy.