Carving out a niche

I was talking to someone today and they were bemoaning the fact that they had never carved out a niche for themselves that had nothing to do with being a wife or a mom. And it made me consider my own life - is being a wife and mom enough? Will I look back on my life and regret that I didn't develop some skills beyond the hobby level?

And the answer is I don't know. I love writing - I find it cathartic and relaxing to chronicle the funny or sad or intimate moments of my life. Should I write a book, submit articles, etc - does writing not count if it isn't financially viable? Would making something I find so relaxing a "job" steal the joy out of it? Or is it just that I am scared to be rejected, scared to lay my own life on a platter and have someone dismiss it? Or is part of it laziness - follow through takes discipline. A little from column A - a little from Column B and a dash from Column C. But I also love being a wife and a mom.

I don't want to be a women that jumps from unfinished hobby to unfinished hobby (and I see that tendency in myself) but then again I don't want to be someone that only ascribes value to something that earns a paycheck. And then there is the part of me that berates myself for being such a selfish brat because the reality is that I have the luxury of choosing.

My thinking is disordered right now. I feel like I am swirling in circles of should I or shouldn't I. Sometimes it is easier to let the needs of the kids overwhelm my disposable time (with the exception of ritas nights with the girls) because that prevents any hard decisions about my future. Am I going to choose to be a wife and a mom and accept that decision as right for me and my family? Am I bound to achieve more just because I am capable of it? Who knows - I am still turning the options over in my mind.