Grandma bought Caitlin this little netbook this summer that she uses at school instead of pen and paper and she is in love. It gives her homework independence and as a pre-teen she treasures that. This is generally the position that she uses her computer because how effective is gloating that you have your own mini laptop if you aren't simultaneously taking up your brother and sisters spot on the couch?

I haven't written much lately because I haven't really had much to say. My life in some ways is so much calmer because I am physically unable to do so much of what I used to - I have been forced to accept help to get the kids where they need to go, cooking, cleaning, even getting where I need to go. I am slowly recovering from my surgery and gearing up for the next round of tests and surgery. Not that I want to transform into a couch potato but I do think there is a season for everything and this has to be my season of rest.

In some ways I feel like I am missing so much because I am not intimately involved in EVERYTHING but it has also made me realize that it is time to back off in a few areas. My kids are perfectly capable of managing the high points of their schedule and me following behind reminding them to stay "on task" has only contributed to me becoming their conscience. My periods of convalescence after surgeries always contribute to a jump in independence in my children. The hard part is maintaining that independence after I am up and around again because I tend to take responsibilities back.

This time I am hoping to find the balance between nurturing my children and being there for them emotionally while giving them the space they need to develop a certain autonomy and personal mastery over their daily schedule. Sometimes it is a hassle to stand by and give them the room to mess up instead of "helping" them but I want to take the long view. My goal as a parent is to raise children that don't need me and they are never going to get there if I pack every lunch and be on constant "stand-by" to step in and do it for them.