Slacker in Stepford Land

I need to find some new slacker friends. One of my friends today was talking about making her daughter's candy corn Halloween outfit and I know it will probably be the cutest thing ever and she will make the whole damn thing herself. I have never seen her daughter without a cute little matching outfit complete with matching bow. I would really like to dislike my friend for her sheer perky perfection but she is just so nice I can't. Then I have another friend who is one of those people that scouts deals, clips coupons and ends up getting a 100 bucks of food for 3.25....seriously. Another whose house if perfectly decorated and shockingly clean and she always looks so cute.

Who are these nice, friendly stepford women and why do they want to be friends with me? I did 2 loads of laundry today, washed dishes, and made dinner. That is the sum total of my accomplishments for the entire day. I didn't create a pattern and sew some fabulous something, I didn't get a wild hair up my ass and paint my dining room some fabulous new color, I didn't sit down and tutor my kids for an hour, and I paid much less attention to my husband and kids than I probably should have.

I actually groaned when my kids came bounding into the car flapping their fundraiser prize sheets like trophies. I hate fundraisers - I don't want to hawk overpriced shit to all my friends just so I feel obligated to buy overpriced shit when their kids are selling it. I would rather just write a check or even just get each of their teachers something on their wish list. Plus I find the whole fundraiser "presentation" to the kids to get them excited over the crappy prizes to be a little underhanded. Here I am trying to teach my children to understand value for money spent, budgeting for the things you want and I am going to send them out to sell 15 dollar tubs of cookie dough. Really?

I know there are women that love to plan the carnival, blow the top off the fundraisers, and be the team/room/SS/everything under the sun mom - I am friends with quite a few of them and as much as I would like to convince myself otherwise (if only to palliate myself) they are normal, nice women. What is wrong with me that the thought of planning the school carnival makes me want to stick a fork in my eye? When the PTO president asked me to do it several years ago I actually had a visceral reaction and immediately shouted NO, NO, NO. That would be the WORST carnival EVER - my idea of fun is putting white t-shirts on and spraying each other with fabric dye water guns. I think it is fun to play in the mud. I can't even be a freaking cafeteria monitor because I never think the kids are getting too loud - which is interesting since I require complete silence in the car.

I am looking to find my niche and am left to wonder if I should just make peace with being the slacker wife and mom that makes everyone else feel productive.