Football and Autism

When my son first asked to play football, I was not too excited about the idea. I wasn't so concerned that he would get hurt but that the physical "closeness" of football would be too much for him. Football players stand very close to each other, they touch each other constantly whether by blocking or tackling, and there is a subtle communications dynamic within a team that I was afraid would be beyond him. Some of my concerns were valid - at first he would flinch whenever one of the players touched him, he has a hard time practicing when it is muddy because his hands get dirty, and his coaches have had to adjust their style to accommodate the fact that he must be told EXACTLY what you want from him.

But you can't deny the smile. I have very few pictures of my son looking straight at the camera and smiling a natural smile. Football has been great therapy for him. It has stretched his physical boundaries - he is more comfortable with touch than he was before. It has forced him to focus on nonverbal indicators, to suck it up when he gets dirt under his fingernails, and to be encouraging or consoling with a teammate. He has been expected to behave with discipline and to self correct his actions and he has risen to the challenge.

It is easy to forget how much has changed. When my son was three I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbing, called my mother. I had just had my youngest daughter and I just didn't know what to do with this 3 yr old little boy that didn't talk, wouldn't look me in the eye, arched away from me whenever I tried to hug or kiss him, and destroyed things every day. I was mentally and physically exhausted and felt like the worst mother in the world. Did other mothers lock themselves in the bathroom because their son had completely destroyed their makeup for the third time and call their mommy(despite the fact that that the makeup was hidden so that he couldn't get to it), did other mothers have that awful mothering moment where they wondered if they were really up to this, did other mothers wish they could run away from home without the kids. I didn't think so and so I heaped guilt on myself because not only did I have two children with disabilities but I obviously was not up to the task of raising them.

Devin loves playing football and he might have become a little obsessed with game scores from all the Superbowls and player stats but he also smiles naturally and enjoys himself. 6 years ago when I was still hiding in the bathroom and crying, the life that we live now seemed an impossible dream. I no longer feel like running away from home (mostly) and I am able to find joy in and with my son. I can appreciate his little quirks because they combine with his courage and tenacity and sincerity that makes him such an incredible little boy.