Investing in Children

I have been thinking today about the investment that we put into our children as parents. It goes way beyond the financial investment although that certainly is part of it. Lord knows I have done without because Devin needs football pads, Caitlin needs art supplies, or Hannah needs a new leotard. We invest our time, our energy - both physical and emotional, and our money to raise our children to be faithful, productive, persistent, compassionate, reasoned, well-rounded adults. But when do we become too invested in our children?

I was speaking to a friend today who has three beautiful children and all of her time and energy is invested in their lives. She keeps nothing back for herself - letting her interests and desires be subjugated for the benefit of her family. How many of us are gulty of this? Running every errand known to man for our kids, husband, PTO, church and not taking 5 minutes to refresh ourselves or follow our own desires. And then what happens? We have nothing left for ourselves and so become overinvested in our children and take responsibility where none exists.

I have a responsibility to my children and husband and I certainly do not want to shirk that but sometimes like my friend, I take too much responsibility. My husband and I provide a warm, loving home, nutritious food, and clean clothing to our children. We also provide quiet areas for our children to do homework and are available to answer questions during homework time. We play with our children and we love them unconditionally. We pray with and for our children and encourage them to always try their best, to not give up because something is hard, and to pursue their dreams and believe in themselves as much as we believe in them. I feel those are our legitimate responsibilities.

But it is easy to become overinvested and take on responsibilities that do not belong on our shoulders. I do not need to feel responsible for my child's bad choices (because we teach them right from wrong), I do not need to feel responsible for a bad test grade (because we have provided an environment and encouragement to succeed), and I do not need to feel responsible for my child's bad day (because we love our kids no matter what).

I love my children to distraction but I have to save something for myself. I never wanted to "wake up" in a decade with all my children out of the nest and have to reintroduce myself to my husband and find a life because I had neglected my own for so long. Sometimes I can be selfish with my time and I expect my kids to take on a lot of responsibility but it is important that they understand two things - the world does not revolve around them, and I, as their mother, have just as much right to live my dreams, pursue my interests as they do.