Fighting Acquired Dependency

Encouraging dependence in a child with a disability can handicap them much more than whatever physical disability they have to overcome. Each year we want Caitlin to become more capable, more independent, more able to handle the details of her daily life. And that means that sometimes we have to encourage her through her frustration, stand back and let her fail, or even have a coming to Jesus meeting about keeping track of her lunch box and homework assignments.

People want to help Caitlin, they want her to be happy, even her cat follows her around the house as her own personal kittyguard but sometimes we help too much. And by helping too much she is left with the impression that people think she can't do it herself. And she can. She is capable, she is smart, she is a great problem solver. I worry sometimes that people who see me interact with my daughter will think that I am being mean to her because I expect the same standard of respect and hard work that I do from my other children. She doesn't get some special pass because of Cerebral Palsy. Sometimes I tell her to suck it up and get over it, I give her the opportunity to solve her own problems instead of jumping in, and I thank her when she goes above and beyond.

I don't want to encourage her to need me more and more as life goes on. The goal is for her to Acquire Independence not Dependence. And she is step by step, day by day. I had to snap a picture today while she was doing her homework by herself (and her little kittyguard sitting close by) because this is what we have been working towards all these years. A child that comes home with all of her assignments and begins her work independently, who helps with dinner, takes responsibility for laying out her clothes and taking her bath, and believes that she is capable of it. Not every day is a success but independence is a process.