Playground Justice

Children are encouraged to use their words, cooperate, share, take turns, be nice, gentle hands, turn the other cheek, tell the teacher, get mommy or daddy to help, ignore a bully, walk away. And 99% of the time, those strategies are effective. But sometimes a push, a shove, a snub says more than a 1,000 words would have. Sometimes playground justice works.

I have always encouraged my children to use their words to solve a problem but I will admit to being a little laissez faire when I can see that they have used their words and words haven't worked. I have conveniently looked away and let playground justice rule. When Caitlin was 4 this little boy threw mud in her face. She shook her little preschool finger at him and calmly in a sing song voice said, "No, No". He threw mud in her face again and she again calmly wagged her little finger and sing songed, "No, No". This time the parents (me and his mother) added our own not so sing songy "No, Nos". But the third time he threw mud in her face my little darling leaned down and picked up the whiffle ball bat by her feet, swung from her toes, and knocked the crap out of that kid. She then calmly dropped the bat, stood over the little boy who was now laying on the ground with the little whiffle holes impressed on his face and again sing songed, "I said No, No" He stopped throwing mud on her.

My son is very nonviolent and will do almost anything to avoid a confrontation. However he is a mother hen and the appointed protector of his sisters. I have seen him chase down a boy twice his size at the playground who made his big sister cry and demand that he apologize. He has threatened to break off a friendship with a neighbor who was not treating his sisters respectfully. And after watching a little boy push his sister to the ground twice (in very rapid succession), he pushed back harder and made the little boy rethink his methods.

So tonight when my little one was playing football and she steamrolled through the line and a little boy yanked her ponytail after the whistle, I wasn't too concerned. I immediately saw her grab her little ponytail and turn and point at the little boy that pulled it. If I know little Hannah I can guess that her words were "Next Play". And the next play she was off like a bullet after that little boy but the play was too quick, the whistle blew. Next Play - again she is off and when he put his arms up to try and block her she pushed in close, reached up behind his back, curled her little dainty fingers into the back of his hair, and yanked for all it was worth. Her ponytail was safe for the rest of the game.

I am not one to jump into my children's squabbles. I try to stand back and let them come to a solution themselves because I will not always be available to mediate and they have to learn how to problem solve. Most of the time words work but sometimes actions speak louder than words. And I am OK with that.