Transformations

I should make all my pics black and white. And apparently despite all the partying I got much more sleep as a teenager because I look much less tired.

I moved in with my Dad when I was 16. Moving halfway through high school provided a unique opportunity - I could be whoever I wanted to be. Except for two years I had spent my entire school life with the same kids. I knew the football star had peed his pants in 4th grade, the pretty girl used to pick her nose, and one little boy had his lunch inspected every day to make sure there was no sugar in it. And who was I? - the brain. The smart kid who had been in G/T classes since forever, who never felt comfortable in her own skin, and who was terribly shy.

Except in a new place I didn't have to be. When I moved at 16 I decided no one was going to know I was a "smart girl" - I wanted a new identity. Don't get me wrong, the bimbo style never suited me but when I stayed home to finish the end of the Gulag Archipelago instead of going to the big party I kept it to myself. So followed several years of tremendously bad choices because I was just faking the new me - I still didn't feel comfortable in my own skin and on the inside I was still terribly shy but now I was the party girl instead of the smart girl. And neither girl was totally completely me. As a teenager I was too insecure to be the me that I really am - the smart, well-read girl who loves to have a good time, values family and friends, and would rather talk to someone one-on one than be in a huge crowd.

And after school I got the same chance. I moved with my fiance and got to put my wild child past behind me. All those bad choices stayed in Corpus and I moved away from them. My friends know that I was a wild girl back then but what does that really mean to them - most of them have never even seen me drunk. And needless to say I kept the really bad stuff to myself, the choices that you just shake your head at once you become an adult and wonder WTF you were thinking. And thank the good lord Youtube, sexting, and camera phones didn't exist when we were kids.

But this morning I found out that the new pastor at my church went to high school with me - to the wild child one not the brainy one. So now my old life and my new life are merging and I am not sure I really like it. I have enjoyed the ability to edit my younger life and only share the stuff that sounds like funny kids stupidity. The kids will be kids kind of stuff. I know she isn't going to stand up on the altar on Sunday morning with a megaphone to broadcast my spectacularly bad choices but it is just weird to me. I am still that very private person who always decides what to keep private and I have had that luxury because with moving comes any transformation you want - from smart girl to party girl to married suburban mom.