Unsung Hero

I rarely write about my husband - for several reasons. Blogs are used mostly as a catharsis - a way to bleed out positive or negative emotions and process them. While I have no problem letting out my feeling for the world to see, I guard my relationship with my husband very closely. I love him very much and I do not want to say something that would embarrass him or make him feel uncomfortable. And if I am angry at him I choose to speak to him about it. I am not one for venting to friends about my husband or man bashing.

Jeff is not a flashy guy, he is extremely unpretentious. He sometimes (well frequently) says the wrong thing and can be as romantic as a bag of rocks. Like most truly great men, he is substance over style. He is the quiet, humble workhorse that keeps moving forward even when he wants to sit in the sand. And he loves me - I mean he really, really loves me no matter what. Even when I act like a crazy bitch, even when I say mean things, even when I whine and pout.

And he gets very little credit for the unwavering support he provides our family, the continual effort to improve our lives, and the patience he shows all of us. The last five years he has worked so hard to graduate from college - I cried watching him walk across the stage today. I am just so proud of him. He had to make so many sacrifices and he has had to miss so much the last few years to get his degree. During the five years that he has been in school, I have had five surgeries. So in addition to working full-time and going to school full time, he also had to be essentially a single parent for the 12 months of recovery that those 5 surgeries required.

He is the unsung hero - his effort often going unnoticed or even taken for granted. But without him our family would grind to a halt.

Watershed Moments

My next door neighbors daughter died yesterday. She was only 16. It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that she is gone. We have lived here a long time and I have watched her grow from the little girl Hannah's age jumping on the trampoline and practicing her cheerleading moves in the front yard to the more poised teenager with a cell phone attached to her hand at all times.

Everyone has watershed moments that define their lives into "before X" and "after X". For me having Caitlin was my watershed moment. The experience of her birth and long term hospitalization fundamentally changed me and I was never again to be the person I was before she was born. But my moment that fundamentally changed my perspective and life had a happy ending - Caitlin lived.

Losing a child in a horrific accident would have to be a watershed moment for a parent. I can't even imagine the grief of my neighbor - I don't want to because it makes me too sad. Irrevocably her life is now separated into Before Taylor died and After. And it is so unfair - unfair that such a young, beautiful girl has been snatched away in the prime of her life, unfair that her brother has lost his big sister, unfair that her mother is enduring the soul wrenching grief that has no name and no bottom.

I tell my children that life is unfair all the time. To palliate their disappointment usually but even if trite and contrived - it is true. Life is hard and harsh and often terribly unfair. And because of that we must value each moment - each joy no matter how small, to feel and live and be grateful for each breath we are given.

Double the Embarrassment

Tonight was Hot Cocoa with Santa at the kids school. I had my doubts before we even went - today was a very busy day with hardly a moment to sit down much less catch my breath. But the kids really wanted to go so despite my reservations they put on their jammies and big fluffy robes and we headed off to school.

It was about as miserable as I expected - despite warning the kids that they were welcome to show me the books that they wanted from the book fair I would not be buying anything tonight - they were still upset that I didn't whip out the checkbook. Even though you would think they would realize by now that every year the books they point out at the December book fair end up under the tree. Devin refused to take a picture with Santa. OK fine. We had cocoa, listened to The Night before Christmas, the girls took their picture with Santa and I was ready to get the hell out of dodge.

Stepping into the car, Hannah and Devin started fighting over who was going to sit in the back. Once this fight came to blows (about 3 seconds later) I kicked them both out of my car and told them that they were welcome to get back in the car once they had worked out their disagreement and calmed down. For the next five minutes, Caitlin and I sat in the warm car while Devin and Hannah attempted to work it out. Or I should say Devin because Hannah proceeded to lose her ever loving mind and stuck her fingers in her ears and screamed whenever he tried to talk to her. I allowed Devin back into the car and stood outside and tried to speak reasonably to Hannah. Letting her know that she would be welcome back into the car when she calmed down and stopped crying. Who knew this was the magic button to cause Hannah to completely fall apart.

Hannah proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes screaming at the top of her lungs, crying and throwing herself on the ground, screaming at me to just leave, she didn't need me, she would just walk home. To say that this behavior is out of character for Hannah would be a massive understatement. It was like watching the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. She actually stomped off towards the road (in her jammies!) righteously indignant screaming that she was leaving all of us, that she didn't want us anymore. WTF?? Caught between the opposite urges to laugh and spank her, I wisely decided to call my husband. I was initially going to have him pick up the other kids because the way it was going little Hannah was going to end up sleeping on the curb because she was not going to calm down enough to get in my car.

The calvary arrived (in the form of Daddy) and I took a Hannah break. I hate when my children lose it at school or church because along with trying to handle the very real parenting issue that must be dealt with, I have to tamp down my embarrassment. I was mortified that my child was screaming at the top of her lungs in the school parking lot but I will be damned if I am going to let a tasmanian devil sit in my car. I have very few absolutely zero tolerance rules but behaving in the car is one of them. If the kids are acting like asses at home - I am free to leave the room or encourage them to leave the room that I am in. But in the car you are trapped so I have very little tolerance for misbehavior. I refuse to subject myself to a crying, whining, fighting child in a close, confined space so I have been through the gauntlet with all of my children - stopping by the side of the road and standing outside the car with them while they pull themselves back together.

So now little Hannah is in bed, sleeping the way only a child who has just completed a head spinning exorcism tantrum can and I am hoping to wake up to my usual Hannah in the morning. The one who smiles sweetly and laughs loudly and knows better than to be disrespectful to Mommy.

Capture the Moment

I got to pick the kids up at noon today from school and it was snowing!! Snow in Houston shuts the entire city down - schools close, municipal courts close, and the news goes to wall to wall coverage. It is an event. This is only the second time it has snowed in their lives and the first time it was very light and didn't stick.

My friend and I picked up the kids and luckily she is as childish as I am so within 5 minutes of getting the kids we had stopped at a huge field for an impromptu snowball fight. The kids were practically vibrating in excitement and they got their first lesson in how truly cold snow is - within minutes my son was ready to go because his hands were numb from cold. We dropped off my now cold and wet friend, bought some waterproof gloves, and then headed home.

Immediately we threw some more snowballs, built some miniature snowmen, and just played like children until the snot started freezing to our faces. The snow only lasted a few hours but it was such a memory making moment with the kids. I love this part of parenting - capturing a moment in time, throwing away the normal schedule and just having fun.