Facing the Door

I started school this week so I have been unusually busy but I fell back into the usual school routine including the fact that I always sit in the last row in my classrooms. I also sit with my back to the wall in a restaurant, a bar, and I even stand with my back to the wall at the kids school assemblies. I have never liked the sensation of strangers being behind me and I can't relax if my back is to the door.

I have always known this about myself and it is somewhat of a joke with people that know me well. But I didn't realize until this week that there is one situation where these rules don't apply. If I am with my husband or my father I don't care who is behind me or if my back is to the door. I am a very observant person - sometimes people assume that because I talk alot (and I do) that I don't listen and pay attention to what is going on around me. But I always survey my surroundings, I usually catalog the people in my immediate area, and I look for the nearest exits to wherever I am in case of an emergency and I do it somewhat subconsciously. I remain aware when I am out which is why even on my girls weekends I go back to the hotel before I get truly snockered. Once I feel my ability to be "aware" become impaired I grab a taxi and head back home (even if home is the Hyatt).

But with my Dad and Jeff I can truly relax and let my guard down. Most of the time that is a good thing - a chance to regroup and recharge. The comfort level does have a down side as evidenced by New Years Eve this year. I was with Jeff so my "moment" where I would stop drinking and head back to the hotel came and went because I knew Jeff would make sure that I made it back home safely. And I did but not before being more inebriated in public than I have been in at least 15 years.

I have been examining my habits lately to become more aware of the things that I do and examine why I do them. It is not that I think facing the door is a bad habit but I find it interesting that I take responsibility for my own safety and the safety of those around me in every situation but those in which my father or husband is present.