I don't want to be your friend

My children have very expressive faces and are not very good at hiding their emotions. This has obvious disadvantages - their inability to hide the "I think you are a dumbass" opinion from being broadcast on their face can be awkward. It has one distinct advantage though. I can see my kids from the carpool line and know what kind of day they have had. And my little one had a doozy today.

She threw her backpack in and the door had barely closed before she burst into tears. "Jane (not her real name) doesn't want to be my friend and I don't know what to do! She was talking right in front me and said I was mean and told Susie to tell me that she wouldn't be my friend!"

I always feel completely lost in these girly drama situations. I don't handle crying well and honestly I am as clueless as anyone on the inner social dynamics of most relationships. Surprisingly some people don't like me. I say surprisingly because I like pretty much everyone so I expect it to be reciprocal. I adore my children so I expect everyone else will also. I feel completely inept guiding my children through these minefields and end up trying to apply my science brain - only time will tell if that is effective.

So logically my first question is if the little girl has a point? - Is she mean? That was answered strongly in the negative which I would expect - my little one is a lot of things including dramatic, messy, even a little bit of a know it all but not mean. So here comes the hard lesson for my baby - not everyone is going to be your friend. You can't make anyone be friends with you and there is nothing you can do to "fix" it. And most of the time when someone is mean to you it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. And it hurts because everyone wants to be liked and it is okay for it to hurt.

I look at my little girl and I see a loyal, intelligent, vivacious, compassionate, loving little girl that anyone would be lucky to call friend. And I don't really care if Jane ever realizes that because at the end of the day I don't really care what Jane thinks. But I hope that my daughter knows it and feels it and lives it. Because there will always be a Jane - someone who doesn't want to or cant see the valuable things that she offers, who is mean and hurtful, who excludes instead of includes, who tears down instead of builds up. Life is about realizing that what the Janes of the world think about you doesn't matter - what you think about you matters.