Taking the Long View

this is why the mess doesn't matter

One of my goals as a parent it to always keep the long view in mind. Sometimes I fail spectacularly but I find that thinking about what my long term goal is helps me to discern important from nonessential.

When my children were very small my husband designated a wall in our house that was theirs to do whatever they wanted. It was not easy to buy into this plan because it meant that EVERY guest we had would be passing the "art wall" on the way to the bathroom. But his argument was that he always wanted to have one when he was a child and that the kids mattered more than the wall. For the next four years they painted, drew with chalk, crayons, and markers on that small expanse of wall. At first it made me cringe and then little by little I embraced the idea that my children were more important than the mess. It only took one hour to Kilz and paint that wall when the kids were done with it and it gave them four years of enjoyment and an awareness that we valued their artistic expression and freedom.

Our house has been the site of indoor cookie parties with 12 pounds of icing in 20 different colors with 47 kids under 10, tye die parties with 35 kindergartners armed with mustard and ketchup squeeze bottles to squirt the shirts, craft days with glitter and glue and an abundance of paint that was only overshadowed by the number of children doing the painting. At the end of some of these parties, I would wonder if it would be easier to just move than to scrub the hardened icing from the walls and vacuum the glitter from the floorboards. But years later my kids remember some of those parties with a clarity that I find surprising.

We don't just punish ourselves with parties, we also have incorporated messy endeavors into our family traditions. Every year we decorate gingerbread houses. It started at my mothers house and has moved on to ours since all live together on the family compound and is a highlight of the Christmas season. As much sprinkles end up on my floor as on the houses and the sheer volume of candy and frosting can be overwhelming. We bake gingerbread cookies every year and they always "run away" while they are cooling and a grand hunt ensues to find them. But at the end I always wonder if it would be easier to just burn down the house instead of cleaning the kitchen.

Here is where the long view comes in - when my children are grown they will remember that we gave them a wall and valued them above the opinions of our guests, they will remember that we had parties that bordered on absolute chaos and managed not to micromanage their creative process, they will remember that we put family traditions and togetherness over a sparkling clean floor. I hope when they become parents they will embrace the temporary mess because by embracing the mess they will be embracing their child and making memories.

The day will come when my house is perfectly decorated, sparkling clean, and calm and peaceful all the time and then I will miss the mess and the chaos.

my kids still remember this like it was yesterday and that cutie in the red dress is my surly teenager